Saturday, December 28, 2013

a bit of housekeeping...

Six months ago my wife took a picture of my with our cat who had plopped into my arms while I was sleeping... while the resultant photo is kinda cute (cat, not me)...


It also was a wakeup call that my then 8 months of unemployment had been exercise and diet free... I mean, look at me.. I'm huge!  I've since named this photo "Tabby and Tubby".

The day before I had been listening to a podcast with Ray Romano and he explained his way of keeping promises to himself by creating a "mindbet" with himself.  If he didn't do something, then something bad would result because of it and he had to keep that promise no matter what.

When I saw this photo I promised myself that I'd do a mindbet as well.  We were going to Mexico for holiday in December.  So I had 153 days to do something about that photo... my mindbet was that I would post a picture on Facebook of myself in a swimming suit regardless whether I lost any weight or not.

The reason I am not putting it on Facebook though is I realize many people don't necessarily want to see me in a swimming suit in their newsfeed... :)  So I'll link to it there, thus keeping my mindbet intact.  If people are curious, then they can pop over here (which you've obviously done.)

For the record, I lost 31.2 pounds in those 153 days, body fat went from 26 to just under 17 percent.  Which, for a then 49 year old man I think is pretty good... at least I was happy with the results.  I hope to add some muscle in 2014 which is tough to do when you aren't a 24 year old male with limitless energy... but I worked out every day on vacation (running my string of consecutive days to 164 and counting) and I know I'll keep with it in the new year... for some reason this time it "clicked"... (it was ten days in an all inclusive resort though and I gained six back, but that was expected and was a bit planned as a "refeed" anyway... but eating healthy begins anew today and January will be alcohol-free so getting back to 192 shouldn't be tough at all...)

Enough blabbing.. as promised to myself, 50 year old Greg in a bathing suit.  View further at your own risk... I'll leave a gap if you wish to avert your eyes...





Beginning weight 223.6
Ending weight 192.4

Mindbet kept...

Have a nice day, won't you?  I'm off to the gym...

_____________________
Drew Carey: Eating crappy food isn't a reward, it's a punishment....


Monday, December 09, 2013

Top 50 TVGuy shows of all time




A winter morning from the TVGuy Rooftop deck...

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As I near the completion of my 50th trip around the sun, I thought I'd revisit my Top 50 TV Show list of all time as my final post here.  I've enjoyed the blogging experience over the years but I am going to devote my spare time to my photographic pursuits in the next half century on this blue ball.  So as my last posting, we begin with number 50 and work our way up.... again, these aren't my choices for "best 50", just my "favorite 50"... okay?

(Apologies to "Mad Men", "Dexter", "Game of Thrones", "Homeland", "The Shield", "Louie" & "The Wire"... I'm sure you'd make the list but I just haven't gotten around to catching up with you yet...)

TV Guy's Top 50 Shows - All Time

50. "Numb3rs" (CBS)

49. "Hill Street Blues" (NBC)

48.  "M*A*S*H" (CBS)

47.  "Cupid" (ABC)

46.  "Thirtysomething" (ABC)

45.  "Northern Exposure" (CBS)

44. "Parks and Recreation" (NBC)

43.  "The Carol Burnett Show" (CBS)

42. "Restaurant Impossible" (Food Network)

41. "Flight of the Conchords" (HBO)

40. "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC).  What is this, it's 19th season?  Hasn't this show been on since I was in high school??  And why doesn't Patrick Dempsey age?

39. "Monty Python's Flying Circus" (BBC; 1969 - 1974)

38.  "NYPD Blue" (ABC)

37.  "Top Chef" (Bravo)

36. "Alias" (ABC).

35.  "The Newsroom" (HBO).  Certain to move up with additional seasons. I'm an Aaron Sorkin guy. Sorry...

34.  "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (HBO)

33.  "Saturday Night Live" (NBC)

32. "Arrested Development" (FOX)

31. "Modern Family" (ABC)

30. "Friends" (NBC). Ross declaring that Rachel's Thanksgiving Dessert "tastes like feet" is still the funniest spoken sentence I've ever heard.

29. "Wild Wild West" (CBS)

28. "E.R." (NBC)

27.  "Twin Peaks" (ABC). Season 1 only, if you please...

26. "Smallville" (CW).  I'm a Superman fan. Sue me.

25.  "Moonlighting" (ABC).

24.  "Cheers" (NBC).

23. "The X-Files" (FOX).

22. "Good Eats" (Food Network).

21. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (Comedy Central).

20. "The Sopranos" (HBO).

19. "St. Elsewhere" (NBC).

18. "The Larry Sanders Show" (HBO).  Simply brilliant.

17. "Survivor" (CBS).  I think I've seen every single episode.

16. "House" (FOX).

15. "Star Trek" (various incarnations).

14. "The Office" (NBC).  Would have been higher but should have ended two seasons sooner...

13. "Lost" (ABC).  That last season sullied what should have been my top show of all time.   Best pilot episode in TV history still...

12. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB).

11. "Sports Night" (ABC).

10. "24" (FOX).  Who is more excited than me about the upcoming 24 season on FOX? No one, that's who.

9. "Firefly" (FOX).  1 season FOX?  Really??  Damn you.

8. "Angel" (WB). I've rewatched the final season twice.  The episode (I realize in advance that this sounds ridiculous) where Angel turns into a puppet is the funniest, most enjoyable 1 hour episode of television of my lifetime.

7. "The Walking Dead" (AMC).  Who knew zombies were this much fun?

6. "Fringe" (FOX).  Deeply enjoyable time this summer blasting through these DVDs.  My first "binge-watching" experience and one that I thought would never be topped. Until my number one show came along.

5. "Doctor Who" (BBC).  50 years.  Just like me!  I don't have a time machine though dammit.

4. "Seinfeld" (NBC).

3. "The West Wing" (NBC).  Rewatching it now and it remains spectacular.  Hasn't aged a day.

2. "Wiseguy" (CBS).  My favorite TV actor is probably Jonathan Banks.  When he showed up on my new favorite show of all time I squealed with glee.  Fortunately no one else was in the room at the time.

1. "Breaking Bad" (AMC).  I've only got 8 episodes left to watch but unless aliens invade New Mexico or the show becomes a musical or something equally ridiculous I can't see this one leaving my top spot anytime soon.  The most thrilling, horrifying brilliant thing I've ever seen.  I cannot imagine watching this once a week over five years... the Netflix streaming option made this the most satisfying consumption of mass entertainment of my lifetime.

And with that, adios and see you all around somewhere else...

__________________
Walter: I have spent my whole life scared, frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen, 50 years I spent like that.  Finding myself awake at three in the morning.  But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine.  What I came to realize is that fear, that's the worst of it.  That's the real enemy.  So get up, get out in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth....
--"Breaking Bad" (AMC)



Friday, September 13, 2013

Picture this, part deux


And we're back continuing to empty the iPhone Photo gallery...


Holyday. Sigh.  At least the incorrect "party's" right after lessens the blow... 

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How stuff like this gets past a dozen editors and production personnel at a TV Network just amazes me...


Griled.  Double Sigh...

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Last year I was driving to the Albuquerque Balloon Festival and a few hours in of driving due south of Denver I came across this sign....


I'd only been to Albuquerque once in my life, decades before, and I'd approached from the East that time... shaking my head I pulled over and took out my cell phone map application which of course didn't work because apparently there are no cell towers in New Mexico.  I was a little concerned knowing that Las Vegas, NV was southwest from Denver but there was simply no way I was 44 miles away from it... little did I know that there was indeed a Las Vegas, NM as well.

We have to have a rule here people... if your town name is way less know than another town with the same name, you've got to include the state abbreviation on the sign... yes, this goes for you Denver, Iowa and all the other examples.  Las Vegas, NM has 16,000 people in... I'm just saying...

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Not much better than a meatball sub, right??


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Well, maybe Mac n Cheese with some wild mushrooms and peas thrown in...



Sassafras restaurant, three blocks from my house.  Insanely great food.  The 2 hour wait on weekends confirms it.. we haven't been able to get back in for.. I don't know, it seems like 75 months...

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A few years ago there was an article in an issue of Esquire magazine from a gentleman who had been unemployed for about 10 months if I recall correctly... I read it and thought I was glad I had never been without work...

Well, I'm now in month 12 of unemployment.  I searched for the article and found it... his comments are below and I'll add my thoughts as his original list of items had things to do with kids which I obviously doesn't apply to me...

Mickey Chapatte: 1. Ten months is a very long time.
TVGuy: 12 months is even longer.  Feels like about a year or so.  (Important to keep a sense of humor about these things...)

MC: 2. Every time a right-wing a-hole is on TV talking about how the unemployed could get jobs but they don’t because they are getting paid not to work, I want to throw something at the TV. But I can’t afford a new one.

TVG: I haven't watched a cable news program in about a hundred years.  (Does HBO's "The Newsroom" count?)  But anyone who thinks that we (the unemployed) want to sit around and collect unemployment hasn't seen the dollar amount of these checks.  I make exactly 316 dollars a week.  That's $7.19 an hour.  Minimum wage in the U.S. is $7.25 per hour.  I make less than babysitters, theater popcorn-slingers and just about anyone who meets these hiring criteria...
--Must live in United States
--Opposable thumbs preferred but not required

MC: 3. I now understand why some people never want to retire.
TVG: I am actually looking forward to retirement.  But this isn't anything like retirement.  Everyday hanging over your head is a little cartoon thought bubble that says "I'm unemployed, find a job".  Apparently it's visible to people with jobs, because I feel like a leper most days.  If you don't have a job, you're out of sight and out of mind.  There is nothing enjoyable about looking for work every single day.  It's not like summer vacation, retirement or anything that is looked forward to.  It just sucks.

MC: 4. I always took pride in the fact that I was not one of those guys whose ego was tied to his career. But when I lost my job, I was amazed at how much my ego was hurt.
TVG:  I lost my job when our TV network went under.  I have no ego to bruise.  I just want to work.  I don't even care about a career and I'm fairly certain I won't be returning to my former work life/career.  But every day you can't contribute to a 401k or have benefits isn't a good day.  

MC:  5. Having two kids in college is not a good time to be unemployed.
TVG: How anyone can afford to go to college is beyond me in this day and age...  but I don't have children thankfully so I just have to pay for my two cats daily food allowance.  They of course are thrilled to have me home each day.  They're the only ones who feel this way.  

MC: 6. I went back to coaching because I had the time and I wanted to give to others.
TVG:  I have a hobby which has yielded some financial positives over the past year or so and I'm glad I've had some extra time to devote to it.  But even that is growing boring to me now.  The routine of non-work life grows tedious very quickly.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  

MC: 7. I was reminded how much the kids give to me.

TVG:  I mentioned I have cats, right?

MC: 8. Thirteen- and fourteen-year-old boys do not care if you have a job or not, they just want to be coached. They want you to treat them like the young men that they’re becoming, and it helps if you’re a little immature yourself.
TVG:  It's nice that the author of the original posting has hobbies which keep him interacting with society at large and fulfilled.  Other than my wife, there is a good chance today that I will see no one that I know or have met before.  My cats couldn't be happier.
MC: 9. There are people who are far worse off than I am.
TVG:  Yes there are.  Problem is, I want that group to be larger.  Does that make me a bad person?  I don't think so... I just want a job.  

I've applied to 712 positions now (yes, you have to keep a record or else that 7 dollars an hour gets taken away from you)... the breakdown of replies is as follows.

Number of rejection letters: 105
Number of interviews: 8
Number of companies not responding in anyway whatsoever to application: 599

That last number is the worst part... I miss the days when you would always get a rejection letter, phone call, smoke signals, SOMETHING.  Those days are dead and buried...

I wish I could travel back to my October 2012 self and tell him that he has a year to read every book he's every wanted to, to learn a foreign language, to catch up on TV shows in the afternoons that he'd always wanted to watch, etc.  To paraphrase Andy from "The Shawshank Redemption"... I just didn't realize the storm would go on as long as it has.. 

When you lose your job many folks initially step up and say they will keep an eye out for you if a position opens up at their company.  But this quickly goes away and you are utterly on your own.  

No one else can help.  

It's all on you.  

All. 


_____________________
(As the demon horde approaches.)
Spike: In terms of a plan?
Angel: We fight.
Spike: Bit more specific?
Angel: Well, personally, I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work.
--"Angel" (WB) 

Monday, July 15, 2013

Picture this...

Hey all.. been six months or so... time to empty out the iPhone camera and whilst doing that why not a new blog entry??

(Warning, this might be a bit cat-centric...)

First up, we love our bathroom sinks here at the TVGuy Mansion.. apparently so does Chili...


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Next up we have a photo that was in a kitchen at a site during Doors Open Denver, where the city opens up places most folks don't get into where you can stroll around, take pictures etc... but every so often pictures are already there, like this cast photo from "The Father Dowling Mysteries"...


But hey, it's signed... and hanging in the kitchen.  Think about that decorating decision for a moment won't you?

I'm guessing it's worth .45 on eBay.. I'll zip over and check...

Holy crap, there are a lot of photos over there going for 15 bucks and higher...  how much disposable income do Americans have anyway??

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Continuing, it's time for another episode of "America's Adorable Pets"... Chili and Pepper supervise our closet reorganization...

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When you ask for an orange in your Blue Moon, beware the funny waitress...


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I know you are all trying to eat healthier... the Corner Store wants no part of it however...


Cheetos with nacho sauce.. not sure how adding a soda makes it a "Combo"... but it can always get worse.... well, spelling-wise that is...


If you have a sandwich menu, shouldn't "sandwich" kinda jump out at you as being butchered?  Not that "vegietarian" is any better...

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Sometimes even two letter words can prove perplexing...


"Ot"????

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Sometimes a word looks right even though it isn't... take the good folks at USAgain clothes recycling and their 22,143 green metal bins spread throughout the U.S.


You've seen them all around.. but let's look a bit closer shall we?


It's "deductible" for the record.  But don't worry, that's an easy typo to fix... I mean, it's just printed on heavy metal boxes in virtually every city in the land and...er... umm... guess we're living with that one...

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I went to buy a mop and accessories for the art gallery I'm in a few months ago... here is your storefront established in 1910...



And the sign outside the door....


Equipment is spelled wrong twice.  I went inside and pointed out to a woman who had been working there since Woodrow Wilson was in office... her reaction?

"Really? Huh, how about that?".

Nothing else to say really...
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The Albuquerque Zoo had some troubles with their signage as well...


"Fronth"??

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Hey, it's almost football season!  Wondering where you are going to see the games?  How about your Broncos Headquarters!


Look, I know some words are harder to spell than others... but "headquarters" is essentially two easy words to spell.. "head" and "quarters"...but "uarters"??  I went inside and asked the asst. manager if he knew about the sign... he walked outside and essentially said...

"Huh, how about that?"

The sign had been up since 2012 by the way.  Sigh.

____

Warning, obligatory cute cat photo ahead!


____

Warning, another obligatory cute cat photo ahead!!



____

Part two sometime...

________________________
Larry: Disney's making a movie starring a black princess. And we only had to get through a Native American princess, an Arab princess, a Chinese princess, even a half-fish princess. Not to mention the countless cats, dogs, mice, elephants, talking cars, and whatever the hell Stitch was...

--"The Daily Show" (Comedy Central)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Bad Movie Monday - The Return

From time to time we'll bring back a TVGuy "Classic" column (using the word Classic a bit loosely there)... we are talking about both "Argo" and "Gigli" currently in a Facebook post (don't ask) so this seemed eerily poignant.. without further ado...

_____________



Yes, it's Bad Movie Monday... wherein a collection of my friends and I subject ourselves to the worst that Hollywood can throw at us... the very first BMM was "From Justin To Kelly" and "Gigli" which has yet to be topped for sheer numbing awfulness.. but we must keep trying or else we grow stagnant as human beings, no? Thusly, once more into the filmic breach we go...


Event: Bad Movie Monday XIII

Place: TVGuy Mansion

Date: April 27, 2009

11:45pm - It's about time for the 13th edition of BMM and our first two arrivals are old hands at the torturous process... James From Work and TV's Matt arrive, Matt bringing some sort of blackberry ale that is intriguing and yet I'm not offered any... hmm... anyway, sadly we must report that Special Guest Star Ernie has left Colorado for the East Coast and so with that opening we are joined by...

11:52pm - Yes, it's 5 O'Clock Jeff! (he makes Abraham Lincoln look like a hairless albino.... the nickname is a play on 5 O'Clock Shadow, which really doesn't make any sense because Jeff hasn't had that since grade school, but the nickname has been approved by all and thus we move forward...)

12:00pm - Whilst we consume the official snack food of TVGuy, Totino's Pizza Rolls, lunch preps are finished up and the first DVD is inserted into the player.... this afternoon's double feature is inspired by people we work and have worked with at the Mtn. Sports Network... our first film is "Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon", which was made with the help of some guy named Pete that was a camera operator for us on a freelance basis many moons ago and supposedly did something on this film which is unverifiable because he used a "stage name" or something... regardless, we'll be powering through it with a hot and tasty lunch... speaking of which...

12:03pm - Sloppy Joes are on the menu, for two reasons... firstly, they're delicious and highly underrated... and secondly, they are reddish loose meat, much like the Yeti's victims will be shortly... they are accompanied by Tater Tots, for two reasons... firstly, they're delicious and highly underrated... and secondly, their all-american potatoey goodness represents our last film of the day.. but more on that later...

12:06pm - Beginning our film while wolfing down the Joes and Tots (both delicious and highly underrated as we've learned earlier) we are horrified that the name of the film has been shortened to just "Yeti"... no "Snow Demon" or "Curse" for us... does this lessen the film's impact? Who knows? Undeterred, we move on....

12:10pm - Our movie opens with a snowy scene in the mountains with multiple trees in the background and an onscreen caption tells us that we're at 19,000 feet... which is all well and good.. unless...

5 O'Clock Jeff: Isn't timberline around 14,000 feet?
TVGuy: Oops. Not off to a good start...
Matt: Casting in this film by "Random.org"

12:10:40pm - Yes, 40 seconds into the film the Yeti appears!! Wow, talk about not holding anything back! Less than a minute and our title antagonist is on screen!!

James From Work: It's the opposite of "Jaws".... an hour before we see the shark... maybe they know something Spielberg doesn't...

12:16pm - Now we're on an airplane, which is filled with college football players and is flying over the Himalayas and... er... wait a minute... the Himalayas??? Okay...

12:17pm - The quarterback's name is... wait for it... Peyton Elway. I only wish I was kidding....

12:18pm - Again, I just want to point out that the plane is flying over the Himalayas!! The school's name is the unbelievably generic "State College"...

James From Work: They're obviously going to be playing "Tech University"...
TV's Matt: Maybe they're flying over the Himalayas so they can play "Nepal Tech"...

12:20pm - One of our 19 year old football stars has perhaps the worst facial hair known to man... which brings up the age-old question...

TVGuy: What's scarier, a soulpatch or a yeti?

12:23pm - The airplane effects are clearly from the test laboratories of the Nintendo Wii... I'm not even sure if they are in "2D"...

12:25pm - Our plane is just skimming the mountaintops... which doesn't make any sense because most commercial aircraft are about 5-6 miles up in the air... how do we know this? Because we've got another guest, that's how! Please welcome...

12:26pm - Everybody Loves Robert has arrived (an obvious homage to the CBS comedy and Ray Romano... who was invited today to our little moviefest but strangely didn't return my multiple calls.. anyway...)

12:27pm - "Everybody Loves Robert" is the brother of 5 O'Clock Jeff, who strangely both have the same birthday, but in different years... what are the odds! (365 to 1 actually, but why quibble...) Anyway, Robert works at the Denver International Airport and brings up about 2,341 aircraft errors made by the producers of this film... but since the movie has a Yeti in it, accuracy isn't our first goal here...

12:29pm - As Robert makes quick work of the remaining Sloppy Joes and Tater Tots, both highly underrated and tasty, our plane crashes in the mountains....

12:35pm - The Yeti himself (I'm assuming gender here) is being played by a guy in a pretty lame suit... but every once in awhile the 3,000 bucks the producers had to render our apelike friend in CG pops on screen... basically they were able to afford two different effects (running and jumping, more on that in a minute) and edit them in different ways yet use the same effect over and over... I'm pretty sure I paid more in college tuition my freshman year than was spent in post-production on this film....

12:39pm - Our one Asian football player is being pursued by the Yeti, which prompts the day's most tasteless joke...

James From Work: (as Yeti) Hmm.. I haven't had Chinese food in awhile...

12:42pm - A severed arm is used as a splint for one of our characters... I don't know what else to add to that...

12:43pm - Seriously, a severed arm... befuddlement has cast a deep shadow over our little film party...


James From Work: Here, let me lend you a hand...
TVGuy: He's going out on a limb...

12:47pm - In all honesty, the acting really isn't that horrible and the scenery isn't bad.. a lovely snow covered mountain shot is shown...

TV's Matt: "Warren Miller's 'Yeti'", now in Imax theaters...

12:53pm - The football team has a yard marker as used by officials during the game... sure, you're asking yourself "What, the team has to bring the stadium equipment with them??" And you'd be right in questioning that... but since our lead actress has sharpened one end of the yard marker and has just now thrown it as a javelin to kill a "Himalayan Rabbit", maybe there is another question you'd like to ponder... like.. "What the Hell is Going On??"

12:57pm - Our Yeti has just eaten two more college students... that guy can certainly pack on the pounds....


TV's Matt: Apparently the Yeti doesn't suffer from "Food Comas"....
TVGuy: Is he susceptible to Tryptophan?? How many turkeys could he conceivably eat?

1:00pm: Quite the exchange...

Student #1: What could be stealing these dead bodies?
Student #2: My only guess could be "A Giant Ape"...

yep, just the conclusion I'd come to... I'm guessing these guys aren't honor students...

1:10pm - Two rescuers spy our Yeti-plagued students through a set of binoculars, putting them about 500 feet away... amazingly, they decide to sleep in and arrive on the scene about twenty-four hours later!! I'm not making this up...

1:15pm - The "Jumping Yeti" animation is used about 8,310 times in the next two minutes... I'm not sure I can describe this properly, but I'll try... the Yeti walks/runs slower than your arthritic grandmother, but yet can jump about 30 feet in the air and at incredible speeds... he's "Spider-Yeti"... it's really about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen... and keep in mind I've seen many Ben Affleck films so that's really saying something....

1:19pm - One of our rescuers is introduced as "Fury"... kind of what I'm feeling towards the film's producers... how fitting...

1:23pm - The Yeti rips off someone's arm and hits them with it... let that be a sign that you're having a bad day....

1:25pm - My god, there are two Yetis! Out of nowhere a second one has emerged... which begs the question.. what is the plural of Yeti anyway? Is it "yeti"? "yetis"?

1:28pm - Thankfully, the film is over... beaten a bit senseless by that nonsense, we load our 2nd feature into the DVD Player... our friend James Bates (who had a bit part in an Adam Sandler comedy) is fourth billed in "A Small Town Conspiracy"... I mean, he's in the movie trailer as the fourth lead! ("...and James Bates" says the announcer guy...)

We are all mightily excited... we'd be more excited if this film was actually commercially available in the United States... TV's Matt bought it off of Ebay from someone in Greece. I'm not making that up... which means the DVD onscreen directions are in Greek...

I think "Av0pwttoc UetPOv" means either "Play" or "The Tiger is in the Laundry"... either way, we'll select that and get started...

Note: Our film was originally called "Florida City", but is now "A Small Town Conspiracy"... I really wish they had kept the original title for two reasons...

1. "Florida City" actually isn't the name of a city...
2. Our lead actor says the words "Florida City" about 3,902,109 times in this film... I'm not sure, but I think he's from Florida City.. hard to say though...

1:45pm - We are witnessing someone inventing, for the first time, a "Breakfast Sandwich"... (the film is set in the 1940s, days before the attack on Pearl Harbor)

1:49pm - The lead actress in this film is 83 years older than the guy she is dating... major ick factor everytime she appears...

TV's Matt: "Mrs. Doubtfire" was hotter than her...

1:59pm - Our barkeep has more shoulder hair than the Yeti... ew....

2:04pm - There is a pay phone bolted to a fence in someone's yard... worth noting...

3:00pm - Look, I just can't bring myself to talk about this film... it's paced slower than a glacier... it's slooowww... Remarkably, our friend James acquits himself well against arguably the worst acting in a lead role I've ever seen... that guy sucked. Wow... the yeti was better than he was... That film was punishingly uninteresting... our group is almost sleepy at this point... I'm never watching "Florida City" ever again.

Until then, good day...

________________________
Larry: Disney's making a movie starring a black princess. And we only had to get through a Native American princess, an Arab princess, a Chinese princess, even a half-fish princess. Not to mention the countless cats, dogs, mice, elephants, talking cars, and whatever the hell Stitch was..
--"The Daily Show" (Comedy Central)

Thursday, January 03, 2013

SpellCheck


Flying over Boulder, Colorado during a 7 balloon corporate launch.. 1 balloon visible near ground on right...

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Look, I know everyone didn't finish High School, but staffs of TV shows have multiple seemingly intelligent people putting their shows together...

However, last night's "Chopped" on Food Network proved otherwise...

First up...


The "Smokey Mountains" has an "e".. food, not so much...

This one is even more awful...



"Griled"???? Seriously????

I've caught maybe a thousand spelling errors before they hit air as a TV director... how am I still unemployed after our network went under in September when these things happen??  Very frustrating...

_____________________

Alton Brown: So on one hand, honey is an amazingly sophisticated and efficient food source. On the other hand it's bee backwash...

--"Good Eats" (Food Network)


Tuesday, November 27, 2012


Aspens in.. well, Aspen actually....

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Above photo will be sold through American Furniture Warehouse at all their stores.. kinda pumped about that.. I think I get a nickel or something for each sale, but still beats working for a living.. which I don't do currently... man, I'm rambling...

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Oh, I forgot.. I have to write a Bio for their website... I started working on it and had to scrap the whole thing when the words "Scuba", "Blanket", "Muffin" and "Electromagnetism" ended up in the first draft... I'm admitting now to the world that writing a Bio isn't one of my strong suits...

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So about a million years ago (21 actually now that I think of it) I was stopping off at a Wendy's near the CBS affiliate I worked at in the fine city of Indianapolis.  (Fine, except for January-March..brrrr.)  A man came up to me in the parking lot and spun a tale of his car running out of gas and he just needed 10 bucks to get to where he needed to go.  Surprisingly he offered a business card and a promise to pay me back the next day or even give me a free Oil Change (it was a Jiffy Lube card).  Being the nice fellow that I am I proffered the ten spot, took the card, ordered my Frosty and proceeded to forget all about it.

Smash cut to me actually getting my oil changed and remembering the encounter.. I had put the card in the center console of my car and took it out and called the number on the card... shockingly, they had no idea who the person was and weren't offering me a free oil charge anytime soon.  Pissed, I threw away the card but this was PreInternet and there wasn't any recourse for followup even if I could think of a path to take...

About a month later some of my coworkers wanted Wendy's for dinner and I lost the coin flip and headed out for the grueling 3 block drive to round up their chow... I was in the Kickin-The-Tires phase of my new contacts and had them in this evening where as the last Wendy's visit I was ol' 4 eyes... why does this matter in any possible way?  Because OilChangeGuy was there, lugging his gas can around asking for cash and came up to me as if our previous encounter hadn't ever happened on this or any alternate Earth.  Didn't recognize me one little bit...

Filled with glee, I listened to his tale intently and then just screwed around with him for awhile until I revealed myself as his former mark.  I insisted he hand over my 10 dollars right now or suffer the consequences (what those were I had no idea... hadn't thought it through that far).  He refused of course and I drove away swearing at him with words that I'm pretty sure hadn't been invented yet...


Why am I bringing this up?  Hold on there sport..

About three months ago I parked at my neighborhood Safeway and a man came up to me as I got out of the car.. you all know the feeling.. it's someone who is going to ask for money/food/gas, anything other than directions...

He was nicely dressed though and seemed cordial and spun a tail about him running out of gas and he was trying to get back to Evergreen (40 miles away) and I mistakenly put my hand in my pocket to show him I had no money and pulled out a Ten Dollar Bill. Argh.  I told him he needed it more than me, and gave it to him with his thanks...

As I walked around the store picking up the items I thought back to my Indianapolis guy and then began breaking down his issues.. how was he in a Safeway parking lot, in the middle of the parking lot and ran out of gas there.. and also, in this day and age.. shouldn't he pay me back?  You can give me an email or cell phone number, just connect with me and give me some information.  You aren't homeless, let's consider this a loan, right??  Why should the money for your gas be a oneway transaction?  It's the internet age.. show me your drivers license, etc.... I want the money back...

I quickly paid for my items and went out.. he of course was gone.. I felt used, humiliated and betrayed by my willingness to buy into his story...

I had glasses on btw because my eyes were tired from processing photos on my computer.. that's important because....

2 weeks later I ran to the store to get some dinner items.. I needed to switch my car and my wife's in the parking garage so I took her car to the store... wasn't wearing glasses... and I think you can guess what happened next, right??

TVGuy: (Parks car and gets out...)

DegenerateLoserDouchebagAsswipe (from now on known as DLDA): Hey, can I have a second of your time?

TVGuy: (Instantly remembering guy and beside myself with glee): Sure thing, what's up?

DLDA: Hey, I am trying to get back to Evergreen and I ran out of gas.. do you have 5 or 10 dollars to spare?

TVGuy: Wow, that's a tough break.. you're so far from home.. If I were you I'd just run inside and use a debit or credit card at the bank.. I'm pretty sure there is a 1st Bank right inside.. which is pretty fortunate for you, right?!

DLDA: Yeah, I don't have any credit cards with me.

TVGuy:  Forgot the wallet at home huh?

DLDA: (screwing up) No, I have it, just don't have my cards...

TVGuy: (delighted) Well, at least you have ID.. I'm happy to help.. I'll give you whatever you need.. just show me some ID and give me an email address so you can pay me back...

DLDA: (obviously the words "pay me back" hadn't ever been heard by him.. momentarily stunned.)  Well, I don't have a Drivers License either with me...

TVGuy:  You have a wallet with no ID or credit cards? What's in your wallet anyway?

DLDA:  You know, stuff...

TVGuy: Actually, I don't know what that means... condoms? receipts?

DLDA: You know, the usual stuff...

TVGuy: Not sure what you're talking about now, but let's get some gas in this car and help you out.. would $20 be enough to get you back to Evergreen?

DLDA: (reinvigorated by the money talk) Well, $20 or $30...

TVGuy: $30?  Are you talking about Evergreen, Nevada?  Do you only get 2 miles a gallon in this truck? (It's a 2008 Ford F150ish...)

DLDA: Well, it's a long drive....

TVGuy:  Okay, fair enough.. just shoot me an email so I can put it in my phone so you can pay me back... it's not like you're homeless or anything right! (fake laugh ensues)

DLDA:  Umm.. I don't have an email address...

TVGuy:  Really?  Not on Facebook or anything?

DLDA: Facebook is for kids...

TVGuy:  So I'm just supposed to give you 20 or 30 dollars and you are going to pay me back how exactly?

DLDA:  Umm.. er... well.. (he's in the weeds now...)  Why don't I just give you my phone number and you can call me tomorrow and I'll drive to your house with a check or cash...

TVGuy: (secretly delighted)  Great!  (whipping out iPhone)  What's your number?

DLDA: 303.xxx-xxxx.

TVGuy: That's your home number or cell?

DLDA:  Home number.. look, I can't thank you enough... I have to get home in less than an hour for dinner so...

TVGuy:  Sure.. (dials number he just gave me and puts phone to ear)

DLDA:  Well, I'm not home right now so no one will answer...

TVGuy:  Then who is making you dinner? (continues to listen to ringing phone...)  What's your name anyway?

DLDA:  I'm Dale.

TVGuy:  (continuing to listen to phone ring then answered by a voice mail prompt for a 7-11 store)...
So, you live at a 7-11? (he obviously works there or knows someone that does...)

DLDA:  No, of course not.. must be something wrong with the phone.

TVGuy:  Yeah, that happens... let me give you a $50 to get you started.. do you have at least a $10 for change and we can settle the $40 later?

DLDA: (Thrilled...)  Let me look around the car.. not sure...

TVGuy: Great... happy to help.. really sucks to run out of gas.. I'm really happy to help ya out.... (he is walking to driver's side of car and rummages through his center console with one hand while pulling out a wallet with the other and getting out a $10.... I take out my wallet and pull out a $1 (to him, a $50 of course but it's dark and he wouldn't be able to tell from where he is at...)

DLDA:  (seeing me take money out of my wallet.. hurries up and walks back)  Yeah, that's weird, I found a $10 so if you could float me $50 I'll be in touch...

TVGuy:  No problem, sucks to have car problems doesn't it? (I reach out for the $10 and at the same time hand the folded $1 to him but a bit slower... he is very eager to make this happen and let's me take the $10 first.. I then pull back my $1)

DLDA: Hey, what the...

TVGuy:  I'm going to say this just once... you fleeced me a few weeks back for money you fucking asshole... I'm now going to take a picture of your license plate and send it to the Denver Police Department and you can burn in Hell.  (begins moving towards rear of Truck)

DLDA:  (runs to driver's side, hops in and hits the ignition at seemingly warp speed)...

TVGuy:  Get the Fuck out of here... (slyly holds key out as he pulls out and gives him a long streak in his paint job on the passenger side).

Now, if he'd had a gun or a knife or been a ninja I'd been screwed... but the way it turned out was worth it...

My point is.. if you see someone asking or begging for money, give it a thought before handing over your cash, okay??


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Phoebe: If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer....

--"Friends" (NBC)



Friday, October 26, 2012

Back after a Spell...

Rainbow over Denver, 2010....

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Gonna give this another try.. photography has taken most of my time in "FreeTimeLand" but I miss doing blog entries and Facebook Status Updates  just aren't satisfying enough... and Twitter's 144 character limit couldn't interest me less. So let's get to it shall we?

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Pretty easy Halloween costume coming up... with the battle for the Presidency in full swing....


All I need is a secret service agent, right?


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Time to start emptying the iPhone gallery... I'm consistently amazed at misspellings in our 21st century where spellcheck and common sense are readily available.. but when someone commits to the incorrect spelling in a sign, well....


This was at the Albuquerque Zoo... it's a permanent laminated sign on granite and if you think the Polar Bear's "Fronth" Feet are trouble, well.. um... Okay, I have nothing other than to say... "Fronth".. really?????

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Who doesn't love a breakfast burrito??



But seriously... "breackfast"?? I live in arguably the greatest 8 block radius of Breakfast Burrito Availability in Denver... No one is checking this??  Seriously, how is this possible??  I want to go in there and order a side of Bakkon with FlappJax....

Aiiieeeee.... More later.. good to be back... or "beack"...

_______________________
Sam: I'm going to register with the Republican party. And I'll tell you why, if you're curious. It's because they're a freedom-loving people.
Ainsley: We also like beef.
--"The West Wing" (NBC)